01 02 03 awake & free: {Suffering, God's Love, & C.S. Lewis} (Heather) 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

{Suffering, God's Love, & C.S. Lewis} (Heather)

Reflections on John 13:1-17

This is the passage where Jesus washes the disciples’ feet. There were a few things I had never noticed before today though. In verse one it says,

“Now before the Feast of Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.”

I just thought that was incredibly beautiful. Jesus is getting ready to suffer excruciating physical and emotional pain, and knowing this fully He loved His disciples (and us) to the end. He didn’t retreat from them even though they would abandon Him and one would betray Him.

All of this made me think about marriage as well as some things I had been reading in one of my new favorite books, A Grief Observed. In this book, C.S. Lewis is dealing with the implications of personal suffering on his beliefs. If C.S. Lewis had known the hurt he would experience as he watched his wife suffer and die from cancer, would he still have walked that road? Even on a smaller scale, if I would’ve known how much I would be hurt in marriage or how much I would hurt my husband beforehand, would I have had the foresight to still choose it? Looking back now, I’m so grateful that I chose to walk through life with Ramsey; however, I’m sure there are things coming in my life that I would back away from if I knew the pain that would come with them—and I would miss out on so much if I did. I’m glad that I don’t know everything that is coming right now, but I’m floored that Jesus knew fully what was to come and He still loved me until the end.


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