It was roughly 6 years ago when I first remember people talking about their testimonies. It was a foreign concept in my mind for people to have a personal story of God working in their life and I really struggled to know what to say in my own. Looking back now I can see how that view reflected my understanding of the gospel and my view of faith. I probably wouldn’t have been able to articulate it then, but I see it now. So if you will, please read this story and give all the glory to the Lord who has been, and will continue to be, so patient with me—a prideful young girl.
I grew up in an awesome family that made church a priority for as long as I can remember. I went to private school from k5 through high school and every year I had some sort of teaching on faith. I do not think there ever was a time when I did not say that I loved God. My understanding of being a Christian meant going to church, being a “good” person, and loving others. (Loving, as a conflict avoider, really meant being a people pleaser though.) And I like to think I was pretty good at those things. I stayed out of trouble, was pretty good at helping people when they needed it, and always went to church. My sense of value and worth was high from the praise I received from helping and being “good” and therefore I felt secure that God must love me too. So when asked as a senior in high school how deep my faith was, I put my fish smack dab at the bottom of the ocean. I knew God was real and I knew Jesus died on the cross. I soon realized though, I really had no understanding of how that event from two thousand years ago related to me.
When I went away to college, a few girls on my floor invited me to go to a Bible study with them. I was nervous. Although I was really comfortable in a church setting, consistently reading the Bible on my own or in a group was never something I had experienced. It was in Bible study that I realized I was missing something. The others in the group seemed to talk about Jesus as if He was right there in the room. They talked about the difficulties of following His commands but the beauty of His grace leading them in their weakness. He seemed so alive and real to them and I was not sure how to make this true in my own life too.
That summer I went on a trip with friends to the Dominican Republic. I thought we would be working with children but it turned out the majority of the time was spent painting and varnishing a one-room schoolhouse in the middle of the mountains with hardly any natives around us. God knew exactly what I needed though. I did not need a trip where people saw what I was doing and praised me and thanked me for coming. I needed a trip for the Gospel to be explained over and over and over and over again. My friends questioned my faith. They asked why I thought I may go to heaven. They asked why I was so eager to do good things for other people. They asked me if I knew why Christ had died.
Slowly I realized I had become good at going through motions that allowed me to appear to be rooted in Christ, but deep down I had never allowed the sacrifice Jesus gave to transform me. God was good and loving but I had no concept of His righteousness and justice. I did not understand that sin was anything outside of perfection and that the consequence of any sin was death. Rather, I thought since I was a relatively well behaved, serving church goer that it allowed me to be good enough for God’s love. However, as my friends began to ask me these questions, I saw how so many of my “good” actions were rooted in pride and wanting to be put on a pedestal as the best. My hope for spending eternity in heaven was in my own abilities rather than a faith rooted in Christ’s sacrifice.
On the last day of that trip, I sat outside with two friends and confessed to the Lord that I had been trying so hard to stay in good standing with Him on my own strength. I asked Him to make Himself known to me and to live in me. I did not fully understand the power of that prayer at the time but I am so thankful for the ability now to see how God has been so faithful to answer it.
I said at the beginning that people having a personal story of God working in their lives was a strange idea to me 6 years ago when I was on this trip. I believed stories of God doing miracles like healing people, but I did not think everyone had a personal story of God working. I recognize now that my view of testimonies then was missing one big piece of the Gospel—the meaning of Jesus dying on the cross. Though I think at times I’ve done a good job of fooling myself and others into thinking my life is flawless, I realize now that God has no tolerance for any type of sin. The pride in my heart, the judgment in my attitude, and the jealousy that lingers are all seen as sin before God and worthy of being separated from Him. BUT God, being rich in mercy, sent Jesus to live a perfect life and His death, completely undeserved, serves as a payment for the consequences of my sin. It is because of Jesus that I am in right standing with God. It is because of Jesus that I will be able to spend eternity in the presence of my Savior. It is because of Jesus that I can live in the freedom from needing to please others. Everything in my life is because of Jesus and God’s infinite mercy and grace.
Now that I understand the cross, I understand how any person who puts their faith in Jesus has a personal testimony. Anyone who places their faith in Christ has been completely made new by His blood. Though I may not have a dramatic event in my life where I realized I needed a Savior, I have received understanding of my sins being washed away once and for all so that I can have a personal relationship with God and that, I have come to realize, is a HUGE story.
“For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” 2 Corinthians5:21
Laura & Tracie in the Dominican Republic
---->Each day this week is going to be the testimony of God bringing a staff woman to a point of surrendering her life to Him. We hope you will check back each day and be encouraged by God’s faithfulness to reveal Himself to each one of us personally.
.jpg)
