I grew up in a family of five—my parents and two brothers who are nine
and eleven years older than me. (That might explain my love for playing and
watching sports.) My parents are both believers, and I remember them taking us
to church every Sunday. As a kid and even as I got older, I always enjoyed
going. I had a pretty normal childhood and made it a point to be a “good kid”.
In high school I definitely would have considered myself a Christian. I
knew the Gospel and I went to church regularly. It was important to me, but I
found my identity more in how I did in school, my performance in soccer, and
other people’s opinions of me. At the time, Christianity was more about being a
good person and staying out of trouble than anything else.
Things were about to change though… My life was rocked before my senior
year when my grandpa passed away. Shortly after that, one of my friends died in
a car accident turning into her church. I started to wonder if God allowed this
to happen, was it even worth it to be a Christian?
I struggled with this question my whole senior year of high school and
into the beginning of college. Luckily, the Lord was pursuing me in ways I
didn’t even know yet. My random roommate my freshman year happened to be a
Christian (which is pretty crazy if you know much about WVU), and she invited
me out to a Cru meeting one Thursday night. I really enjoyed it and decided to
attend their Fall Retreat a few weeks after that. Instead of speaking about
confession during one of his talks, the speaker decided to leave the microphone
open for people to share and confess. [What a gutsy move!] I remember thinking
there was absolutely no way I was ever going to get up in front of 150 people
and say anything, but after a minute or two the Holy Spirit started prompting
me to get up there. So there I was, a very nervous and awkward freshman (who HATED
public speaking) telling a room full of people--that I didn’t really know--that
I wanted to actually believe and live out the Gospel I had heard all growing up.
My life started to change drastically. Instead of thinking that God had
gotten a good deal out of me because I wasn’t that bad, my eyes were opened to my sinfulness. Even if I hadn’t
done a lot of the outwardly “bad things” I tried my whole life to avoid, my
heart was full of pride and rebelliousness towards God. I started to see my
deep need for a Savior to shower me with grace.
As Tim Keller put it so well, “I am far worse
than I could have imagined and simultaneously more loved and accepted by God
than I ever dared to hope.”
I’m so
grateful that God pursued me so purposefully throughout my life through my
family and friends. He could have left me in my pride and stubbornness, trying
to earn his favor by my performance, but He graciously saved me from myself. I think it's easy to believe the lie that we don't need a Savior if we haven't done [fill in the blank with whatever you put your righteousness in--being a virgin, not partying, etc]. The truth is we need God's grace not just to save us but to open our eyes to the true sinful condition of ours hearts.