Hello girls! My name
is Rachel Tucker and I am a student at ODU.
I transferred to ODU last fall semester to switch majors from interior
design to nursing. Big switch, I
know. This past year has been
challenging, to say the least, but I have witnessed the Lord be so faithful to
slowly erase huge worries and doubts that I had about transferring. And He once again proved to me that no
matter where I go in life He goes before
me and will be with me and will never leave or forsake me.
With the nursing program right around the corner for me,
(will be starting in the fall!!!) I am finding myself in a season of school,
school, and more school. I look behind
me and see three years of work already invested in college. In my present, I find myself submersed in
summer school and ahead of me I see 2 ½ more years to finish the nursing
program. Grant it I am playing a little
catch up, but I know most of us are in this boat where our lives are somewhat
centrally oriented around school and our future career. And even if its not school for you right now,
then I’m sure there is something that stands out in your life as the dominating
consumer of your time and energy. Being
in the midst of such a consistent routine makes it easy for me to slip into a
routine of independence. By this I mean,
when life becomes stable and constant for a moment, lacking low lows and high
highs, I find myself relying very much on my own strength because I easily
become deceived into believing that I can handle life and all that it requires
of me. However, it is this deceptive
trap that time and time again leads me to become very weary, burdened, and
exhausted. Most times I don’t even
realize I am cutting the Lord out of the picture until I reach this point of
weariness. But its in those times when I
become stressed over how much has to get done and feel distraught when things
are not done to my own standard of perfection.
And if I am not relying on the Lord to carry those burdens of stress,
worry and cravings for perfectionism then that means that I am relying on
myself. I am placing too much power in
what my humanness can perform. When I
take that control away from the Lord, it also means I am redirecting where I am
looking for my significance and worth as a woman, student, friend, daughter, etc. If I am relying on my performance to sustain
me then that innately means I am looking to find a sense of significance and
confirmation through success, outcome, and others recognition of my success or
disapproval of my failure. This
redirection of self worth will never bring any other outcome other than
disappointment and weariness.
Even though, like I said, so many times I don’t even realize
I am turning my attention away from God, He has been faithful to bring those
instances to light more quickly when I seek Him and pray that He would. I have always tiptoed around the idea of
prayer; being intimidated by the idea that praying is hard. But it doesn’t have to be (and I’m sure Satan
loves to let us think praying is a difficult task to keep us from communicating
with our Father). Prayer is simply
supposed to be communication with our Father and Creator. The Bible says when we delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart. That verse has been a mystery to me for a
long time because there are a lot of things that I desire but that I don’t have
nor see myself getting them anywhere in the near future. But lately the Lord has been teaching me a
different perspective on this verse. The
Lord wants to give us what we desire when our desires are what will be most
beneficial to us and most pleasing to Him.
When our desires align with His will is when we see those longings come
to fruition. And this is where I have
been finding that when I don’t know exactly what to pray, or even when I think
I do, to go to His word and pray His words back to Him. The Bible is full of promises and truths that
the Lord will surely honor if we seek those things.
So when I find myself at the beginning, middle, or end of
that path that thrives on self reliance and that only leads to weariness, as a
result of placing my sense of worth in my own achievements, I have been praying
these verses from Psalm 51:
Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your
sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you
judge…
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within
me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit,
to sustain me.
