Benaiah means “Yahweh builds up.” When we decided to name
our son after one of David’s mighty men who killed a lion I just kind of
assumed he would end up being a big baby, probably a football player someday… I
started calling him my mighty man before he was even born.
I was a little bit surprised when he was only 7 lbs 7 oz at
birth. Then I was worried when we went to the doctor for his 1 month check up
and he was only in the 5th percentile for weight. I worried what it
meant for his development. Was he eating enough? Did I do something wrong? What
should I do differently?
I bought a baby scale so I could track his growth closely.
Confession: sometimes I call the nurses to see what percentile he’s in that
day. I want to know how he measures up against the other babies in town I
guess. Eventually the pediatrician told me he’s just on the smaller side and
probably won’t be a big baby. After all he’s only in the 15th
percentile for height - not sure who he gets that from ;)
Well it finally hit me. I was weighing him one night when
God
brought this verse to my mind, “Man looks on the outward appearance, but
the LORD looks on the heart.” (1 Sam. 16:7) How did I let myself get so wrapped
up in the numbers on the scale? I’ve done this to myself (OK I still do) and
I’m sure most of you can relate.
“How do I measure up against other women?”
“ How much weight have I gained/lost?”
“What should I do differently?”
I think the issue is deeper than numbers though… If we look
better maybe people will want to be around us more and we won’t have to worry
about being alone. Or maybe it’s a control issue. If we can just control our
food intake and the numbers on the scale then we’ll feel better about our
lives.
Our culture is obsessed
with outward appearance and we as women have bought into the lie that we need
to be skinny to be worth something. Or if you’re thin you may think you need
curves in certain places.
Thankfully God looks at the heart. He cares more
about your character and what’s going on in your heart than how your jeans fit
today. In case no one has told you
lately – Your worth is in Christ. He’s so crazy about you He died on a cross
so you can be with Him for all eternity.He loves you whether you have gained or lost weight this week.
So I will continue to pray that God builds up Benaiah both
physically and spiritually. I do care about his physical health of course but I
know his spiritual health is even more important.
**As a quick side note, I had an eating disorder in the past
and I know many of you have struggles with appearance and food too. Please
e-mail me at Steph.Lamb@cru.org for prayer and know that you are not alone in
this!
