On September 28th, 2013 my life took a super quick turn.
The day before, I lived in Pittsburgh, PA. I was building a team of ministry partners to join staff in Washington, D.C. and was hopeful of moving in January 2014.
On September 28th, my boyfriend, now husband, asked me to marry him. Saying "yes" began one of the busiest seasons of my life so far. In the next 4.5 months I moved to a new city, found a place to live, started working on a new campus, planned a wedding, sought to get involved in a church...the list could continue... After the wedding I busied myself building community, making our home feel like home, and learning how to balance marriage, work, friends, and time for myself. The pace of life continued at what felt like a sprint. And I yearned for time to slooooowwww down. And now, a year later, it has finally slowed. Though I thought I would delight in a steady pace and less transition, I actually find my heart is SO discontent. I want something else. I'm not sure what I want, but it feels like something is missing and it needs to be filled. This past weekend was one year since things in my life took a sharp right turn. I spent it with my husband who always reminds me of the Lord's command to remember His faithfulness. We spent time talking about the past year and remembering. Then we took time to pray for what's next. In the stillness of our prayer I felt like my heart got a glimpse of the sin in my discontentedness...
I realized I am guilty of being busy just to be busy.
I always have things to do and feel the urgency to do them all. I am on the go. All the time. So while this past season was crazy, it fed into my false belief that I must always be busy to feel purposeful, fulfilled, loved, and of value to others. It feels like I'm doing something wrong when life seems slow. But as Dan and I remembered the past and prayed for what's next, I realized the sweetness of being in a season of stillness. I can rest in the pastures where he is making me lie down. I finally have the time and freedom to sit and dwell on the faithfulness of God rather than being so occupied on what's next. After all, who knows what is next for us. This may be a calm before another sprint. The last few weeks, I've been praying the Lord would lead me to something new, an opportunity to do something else. I think that longing is still there, but I'm praying that He would teach me to rest and wait on Him first rather than be caught up in the busyness of our culture. I pray that I no longer would pass through the pastures He leads me to and the opportunities He gives for me to be still and know that He is God.