“Can
they tell? Can they see it through my smile? ...Just keep smiling and singing
and hugging.”
These are the thoughts flowing
through my head as I stood in the Christmas Eve service of my freshman year of
high school. I am surrounded by my family and friends, and people I have known
for the majority of my life. I feel very at home and yet I feel like a picture
hanging in a gallery,
flipped backwards and completely cock-eyed…out of place
and obviously flawed. My doubts weigh heavy and the feeling of guilt repeatedly
washes over me for the majority of the service.
I “grew up” in the church and was
there every time the doors were open, and even when they were shut and locked
in some cases. I knew the verses, the songs, the Bible stories…especially the
one of Jesus’ birth. That Christmas was different though. A few months before
Christmas, I began to have HUGE doubts. “How
do we know the Bible is 100% true? What if some old man wrote this thousands of
years ago just to mess with people and here we are today- making fools of
ourselves singing and rejoicing about this “Jesus” guy? Did Jesus really come
and lay in a manger? Born from a virgin? And…if this isn’t true, what is?”
I
have thought many times before, being raised in a ‘Christian home’ has its
blessings, a bounty of them. But, it often times has some down-falls. The
stories in the Bible, from Noah and the ark to Jesus’ birth, death and
resurrection, almost become so common and so unbelievable. Sadly, not because
of the awe-worthiness and majesty of them but because you hear it from a young
age and you hear them as “stories”. Then you grow up and you face the question-
“Do I really believe this?”
Doubt is a big part of my testimony. I still
sometimes struggle with it, especially at Christmas time, but God has worked in
my life and shown me He is real, He is good and He is faithful. Christmas time
brings doubt into the spot light, right in front of your face and does a little
dance, which leads to guilt and feelings of shame doing the same little jig.
Whether you have heard the story of Jesus and His birth a hundred times, like I
have, or this year is the first time you have heard it- I urge you to come.
“Girlfriend, come?” Yes girl, come. Come adore Jesus with me. “But what about
my doubts? I feel so distant from God. I have so many reservations.” While
thinking about what to write for this entry, I thought and was reminded of
something I've heard before- “doubt and
faith go hand-in-hand.” Bring your doubts and your fears and come adore
this sweet little baby Jesus with me. Take a step in faith and come adore Him.
The
word “adore” is one of my favorite words. You hear it often in Christmas songs.
To adore someone means “to love and respect them deeply”, and in some cases “to
worship” because of that love and respect. When you see the miracle in the
birth of Jesus, when you read how Mary “…gave birth to her firstborn son and
wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger…” (Luke 2:7 ESV), when
you see how the prophecies were fulfilled, and realize God sent His Son in the
form of a little baby, it’s overwhelming and humbling. I get to adore Him. Praise Him that though
I have my doubts and concerns, He still came and He asks us to come adore Him.
Though
doubts creep in and so does guilt, I pray and encourage you to bring those
doubts with you and come see how beautiful the birth of Jesus is, whether it’s
for the first time, for hundredth time.
“O
Come let us adore Him…”
Who
am I?: Sarah Houchins What am I doin’?: I am a sophomore
psych major at VCU. I am the president for the first ever Cru at VCU!!!! SO
cool!! Favorite Christmas tradition: I absolutely looooove being with my
family and friends around Christmas. My brothers and I exchange a gift from one
another on Christmas Eve after dinner and the Christmas Eve service. Though
it’s not a tradition, family time is one of my favorite parts of Christmas. I
have an awesome family.
I “grew up” in the church and was
there every time the doors were open, and even when they were shut and locked
in some cases. I knew the verses, the songs, the Bible stories…especially the
one of Jesus’ birth. That Christmas was different though. A few months before
Christmas, I began to have HUGE doubts. “How
do we know the Bible is 100% true? What if some old man wrote this thousands of
years ago just to mess with people and here we are today- making fools of
ourselves singing and rejoicing about this “Jesus” guy? Did Jesus really come
and lay in a manger? Born from a virgin? And…if this isn’t true, what is?”