Continuing on the trend of love and
relationships, with last week’s post about singleness, I thought I’d share five
things about relationships that we tend to forget in the moment. There are so
many things I could share – and even all five things I wrote that I learned in
singleness, I furtherlearned in dating – but here are five
things about relationships I thought would be worth sharing. Things we often forget.
1. There’s no perfect formula.
It’s easy often to want to create boundaries or limitations on certain things
to avoid hurt, pain, conflict, or even awkwardness. But one thing I’ve learned
about relationships – my own and in seeing others’ – is that there is no
perfect formula. The Bible doesn’t lay out a plan of attack so to speak about
how to navigate dating. Maybe that’s for
our good. We each have different journeys spiritually, and of course there are
some boundaries that God has established for our good and within the confines
of marriage or in how we relate with one another. But in terms of how things
should happen – and when – as you begin to date, I wonder if God creates us to
have different journeys in relationships for a greater dependence on Him. Remember how comparison is the thief of joy
in singleness? It’s also the thief of joy in relationships. There’s no perfect formula.
2. Jesus matters.
We often hear in relationship talks or at retreats or on Christian blogs that
it is important keep Jesus at the center of our relationships. But what does that mean? Maybe it means
asking yourself things regularly like: Am I walking with Jesus? Am I growing in
my faith? Does this person encourage me in that? Am I praying for our
relationship, for him, or for things in general? Is the
person I’m dating someone who walks with Jesus on their own, or are they solely
walking with me as I walk with Jesus?
As my former campus director always would say, look for someone who
looks to you and says “you’re second” behind God. Maybe that means taking time on your own to put
God first, and other things second before you date. Maybe you’re learning what that looks like while dating. Regardless, it matters that we treasure Jesus. For you, and for your relationship.
3. Habits we create now are habits we
continue with. There
are ups and downs in our walks with Jesus and with relationships in general. We
won’t always be on a spiritual incline in our growth, and there will be times
when things are hard or where we slip up.
In anything, though, in our purity, our interactions, even our conflict
resolution, the habits we create now are often the habits we continue with and
the habits we have a hard time turning around.
So, consider, single or dating, what it means to create healthy,
Biblical/godly habits in your life personally and in your relationship. The
further you get in, the more you’ll see that those things initially that seemed
“not a big deal” or just occasional instances have now become routine or led
into deeper issues. Surrender to Jesus
now, yielding to the Holy Spirit and seeking Him to change you. Create those good habits. They’ll continue with you.
4. Girl friends are irreplaceable. When you’re dating someone – especially in
the early stages when everything is all fun and exciting and lacking in any
conflict or reality – it can be easy to focus solely on that one person. Your life begins to revolve around them. But in the same way that Jesus is our
identity as singles, He’s also our identity as dating/engaged/married. And in the same way that our friendships
matter when we’re single, they’re so significant when we’re not. I love my husband and he’s my best
friend. But there are just some things
that I need women’s insight into, or
companionship for. God created us for
relationship, yes. But don’t let all else
go. Friendships are so valuable and
women are so significant in our lives.
Maintain those friendships.
You’ll need them more than you think.
5. Relationships are a really good thing,
but they’re not the only thing. Let’s be real:
relationships are fun! Learning to love
someone and put someone before yourself is great. Dating and getting engaged and married is
sweet. Sure, you may go through breakups and hard times and make questionable
choices along the way… but still they’re worth it. God created us to be know
others deeply and care for them as well.
The first relationship we see between people in the Bible is marriage –
that’s how much he prizes relationships.
But they’re not everything. They
don’t replace God on the throne of our lives.
So, enjoy where you are. Have
fun. Learn all that you can in and out
of a relationship. But keep God as your
focus, and walk in the Spirit, sensitive to His direction. Lean in. Learn.
Grow. Be willing to let God direct you.
Relationships are a good thing, but they’re not the only thing.
For a helpful resource about way more dating topics than I could ever dream
of covering, check out this book by Shelby Abbott: I am a Tool. He covers all the things you’re probably wondering
about that I don’t cover in this post, with lots more wisdom, experience,
research, and insight. I highly recommend it!
