So I don’t think it was a coincidence that I
finished writing on the last page of my journal this morning. (Every Jesus
lovin’ girl needs a cute journal, am I right?) One of my favorite parts of
using a journal along with my Bible to study scripture and pray is the chance
to look back and see how God has worked and how He is molding my heart
throughout the pages. So today, I want to be a bit honest with you and let you
take a glimpse of what I have written on these pages over the last few months.
As
I flip through the pages of my “written-down” walk with Jesus, I see over and
over again a common theme- the gospel.
Simply, complexly- the gospel.
“I’ve tasted and seen of the sweetest of
loves, where my heart becomes free and my shame is undone”— have you ever
caught that part of ‘Holy Spirit’? (First, if you have no idea what song I am
talking about, bless your heart. Go look it up. Kari Jobe’s version. She sings
like an angel. You’re welcome.) But really- I feel as though that could be the
background music of my journal. Within these pages I have been stretched,
defeated, raw with emotion, broken, delighted, ashamed, and joyful, but all
sitting before the throne of the One who created me.
Every season of my college career, I have
seen the gospel take on a new meaning and come alive in a new way. I’ve watched
how the Lord has revealed how I am self-sufficient, self-pleasing,
self-conscious and self-righteous and every other ugly thing in my heart. I
have tried to satisfy my longing for intimacy with the Him with countless
things- running, food, friends, busy ministry things and my sweet guy- Evan. I
have learned how they can fill me, with immense
joy, but they do not make me full. I can only run so many miles, I can only eat
so many cakes, and though Evan is one of God’s greatest blessings in my life,
he is not the Ultimate Lover of my heart.
In
these months, on these pages, I have studied scripture like I never have
before- mostly because I lead my first group of high school girls in study of
John (And can I just say-HOLEY MOLEY!). But scripture after scripture, Old
Testament or New Testament, all point to Jesus and with Jesus comes the cross. The cross has changed everything for me. In
light of the cross and the fact that Jesus laid His life down for me, because
of my sin and desperate need of a relationship with Him, everything changes.
When the gospel goes from being just head knowledge to heart knowledge, you
feel the grace of God literally wash over you. I sometimes feel like I am in
the deep end of it, without my floaties.
Ephesians
2:1-10 continually rocks my socks off and has been written and rewritten on my
journal’s pages: “And you were dead in
the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this
world… among who we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out
the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath,
like the rest of mankind. BUT GOD,
being rich in mercy, because the great love with which he loved us, even when
we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace
you have been saved." “But God”
has become one of my favorite phrases.
Jesus shows you His character and His grace
throughout His word. I don’t know about you but the desires of my heart and the
desires of my flesh are strong but the Lord is way stronger. Jesus brings
strength to my weakness and healing to my brokenness (another fav- 2
Corinthians 12:9). When you realize how honestly ugly your sin is, the gospel
becomes what it actually means, “good news”. Even as I have walked with Jesus
these last few months I have seen how sin and the enemy likes to think he has
control of my life, but my sweet Jesus defeated you on the cross and three days
later when He walked out of the grave, buddy. BUT GOD.
Because
of His grace to us, we are redeemed and made whole, with a joy and passion for
the gospel only the Lord can give. We are given the Spirit of God in us, to
continually draw us in to our Creator and to remind us of this life altering
grace He gives us. I have seen how the gospel is not just an Easter thing or a
Christmas thing, it’s a day-by-day, moment-by-moment thing. Jesus hung on the
cross for me and for you, do you see that? For us today, this morning, tonight,
tomorrow and for all of our days to come.
I can attest and so can my little journal
with the hot-air balloon on the front, to how sweet the love of Jesus is, how
the cross frees me to be broken before a Holy God, but healed and made holy by
my Redeemer. I want to encourage you first to purchase a journal if you don’t
have one, and secondly study scripture like you never have before, whether that
means reading the word of God for the first time or the millionth time. It will
show you what I am talking about, friend. His
love is sweet, His grace is abounding and the gospel changes everything.
Hi there! I am
Sarah Houchins! I wrote what you just read! I am a junior, psychology student
at VCU and love the city more than I ever thought I would. So much so that I
run all through it, as much as my legs allow. Love me some Ukrop’s cake. Love
writing. Love my big God. Love Cru. And love YOU! Thanks for reading!
