Waiting for the next thing to come along. For that guy to finally wake up and realize who you are and ask you out. For that time when you’re no longer the guest, or the bridesmaid, but the bride. For summer break to end so that everything can improve. For a job promotion. For an answer. For good health. For a break.
I see you.
I see you thinking the grass will be greener. I see you rejoicing with others rejoicing. I see you holding out and being patient and looking around. Wondering if anyone else has noticed.
I see that look in your eyes of desire and longing. The tear-stained pillow and worn out pages where you’ve cried out to God. Asking questions. Doubting. Waiting.
Waiting is a hard thing.
I’ve not done well waiting.
I’ve not done well seeing where God has placed me in suitable circumstances for my good.
I’ve not done well rejoicing while others rejoice. Not internally.
But I’ve seen my heart change over time and I’ve seen that I’m not the only one and I’ve seen that there actually is something bigger and better than all that is happening around me: God sees. And God cares.
I used to live as though my life would start later. Later I would be the woman who knew Scripture by heart. Later I would be the woman who prayed big things and saw God answer. Later I would get to be the one to get a boyfriend, to get engaged, to get married. Later I would be the one who was the good cook, the kind friend, the good listener, the inner beauty.
And in the later, I was lost. Because life is for the living.
I was lost thinking that I was a sitting duck, just waiting for the time to arrive without realizing that there was a journey to get there.
I was lost thinking that God hadn’t seen me - that he’d seen everyone else, but that I was overlooked.
In the seeking and in the tears and in the heartache, I floundered for a while. And then I got serious.
Jesus tells us in John 10:10, “I have come that you may have life and have it abundantly.”
John writes in 1 John, “I have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love.”
God himself whispered to me in the corner of my kitchen, Meg I see you.
My life had started. I was not less of a woman because I hadn’t achieved everything I wanted to achieve yet. I was not less loved because I didn’t have the same items in my possession as everyone else did. I wasn’t overlooked. I didn’t need to wait. I could live the life that God had called me and led me to live because He Himself enabled it.
And the passion kicked in.
The passion of yes, Jesus loves me, and the passion of yes, Jesus I still desire this with all that is in me, but I’m not going to waste away in the waiting.
This life we live is a journey. We aren’t foolish to enjoy it.
We have to ask ourselves this: Am I really believing that Jesus’ death and resurrection actually matters for my identity? For my contentment? And does God love me?
And we have to wrestle with: Where am I living as though I’m not? Where am I believing anything other than Scripture? Where am I lost in the waiting, so much so that I’m wasting and not waiting?
Maybe this means you start stocking up on pretty kitchen things because you don’t need to be getting married to make a house a home. Maybe this means you read your Bible today, because baby steps today mean leaps of growth later. Maybe this means you explore your city or go on a vacation or take a big risk. Maybe this means you start writing. Or singing. Or smiling. Maybe you change your major. Maybe you simply pray. And you say, Jesus this is hard.
But sister of mine, this life is beautiful. It’s painful, it’s messy, it’s tainted by sin, yes. But, it’s beautiful. Because we have hope for an eternity. We have grace for the moment. And we have Jesus. And He is better. And He is worth it.